I had never really associated football with being a single father, other than both happened on weekends. After all, what do two teams trying to score touchdowns have to do with raising children? However, I soon realized that all the elements that make football so fun and exciting to watch was the answer to also making my parenting time fun and meaningful. Here are some examples:
Parenting Tip #1: Clarify the playing field
Every football field has sidelines and end zones. This allows the players to know what the field of play is and when they get rewarded. Children also need this same structure as they may be unsure about what is acceptable behavior is and what is not, plus when they get rewarded.
Parenting Tip #2: Establish basic rules
Football players know to stay on their side until the ball is snapped, you cannot rough the quarterback, and after ten yards you get a first down. Rules help children of all ages understand when they are not behaving in a way that meets your expectations. However, you do not need a rule for everything. John Madden, former NFL Coach and long-time TV Analyst, said, The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break.
In my home, we only have six rules:
- There's no maid, so everyone helps out encourages teamwork.
- One thing at a time shows there should be some form of order.
- We share and take turns promotes cooperation.
- First things, first can be applied to homework before snack, etc.
- Dirty clothes go in the hamper helps arrange things in a certain way.
- Say please and thank you creates an environment of respect and appreciation.
Parenting Tip #3: Allow for choices
In football, a team can choose to run or pass or on fourth down to go for it or punt. Your guidelines should allow for choices within a certain parameter, thus helping children feel they have at least some control. Plus, by establishing guidelines, your children's choices will be acceptable.Parenting Tip #4: Same game home or away
Are there one set of rules for a football team when they are home and a different set for when they are on the road? Of course not. Keep this in mind when establishing your structure. This does not mean that your home has be run the same as their other parent's; yet, do not go to extremes to make it the opposite. There are some benefits to having some consistency for your children. Plus, this makes it less likely your children will be able to manipulate the parent at either home.
Parenting Tip #5: Be consistent
Nothing upsets football players, coaches, and fans more than when the referees call an inconsistent game. That is why there are six referees, whistles, and instant replays. As single parents we do not have the luxury of instant replays to see what really happened, nor am I suggesting you wear a whistle. Notwithstanding, once the structure is established, it should not change on a regular basis. This will allow your children to adjust to the expectations, thus making your life as a single parent easier.
Parenting Tip #6: There will be rule infractions
Even within a football game there are still times when infractions happen. Defensive holding is a five-yard penalty, while roughing the kicker is a 15-yard penalty and an automatic first down. Similarly, children will occasionally break the rules. When this happens, there is a benefit to the parent if the penalty for poor behavior is pre-determined. I suggest involving the children in determining what a fair penalty is. For example, if your child comes home more than 10 minutes late, then he/she should not plan on going out the following day. If they are aware of this ahead of time, there will be little argument and less stress for you as the parent.
Parenting Tip #7: Time outs need to be managed
Finally, when a quarterback doesn't like what he sees from the defense, he calls a time out. He goes to the sideline, talks it over, has a drink of water, and then goes on with the game. Although time out is a common form of discipline, remember to explain what behavior your children displayed that was unacceptable and how long they will be in time out. A rule of thumb is one minute for each year old they are. Do this without yelling, so the child focuses on their behavior and not yours. After a short time, give them a drink of water, thus changing their focus from being upset to settling down. When the time is up, have them explain why they were on time out, give them a hug (or in football, a friendly pat on the butt), thank them for not doing it in the future, and go on with your day.
David Justus is a fatherhood coach and the author of the upcoming book, The Single Father’s Playbook, and has a website for single fathers with helpful parenting tips and information at http://www.singlefathersplaybook.com
Written By: David Justus
